Hopefully this is an appropriate place for a bit of dark humor.

[The Going Thing]

Those of us who are prior military know about the shenanigans that go on. More often than not one-upmanship becomes an art in the craft of pay-backs and practical jokes.

A good friend of mine made a trip to the emergency room. He left his wife a note and didn't specify the circumstances. I ran into her at Starbucks alone and had asked if Mike was well and that I noted he was on the schedule.
I asked her what had happened. She said he wouldn't tell her and every time she asked he would look really upset. I was concerned that perhaps something came up during his flight physical. I shot him a text this morning and I get a call about 0750 hrs.

So post the usual greetings and grumblings he warns me that if I disclose what he is fixing to tell me that there will be hell to pay.  I am assuming something very unnerving was going to come of the conversation.  I change from my informal tone to a somber tone of concern considering the last year of events in my own life and prepare to try and offer some comfort.

He starts in a low tone and tells me: ' Remember when Tony was home from the USMA over the holidays?" I said: 'Yes, of course I do!" Why?

He slowly starts to talk hesitating. Then discloses the emergency room visit.  He had gone out to the camper and brought in some back-up toilet paper sheets.
He used it and immediately was in excruciating pain from the intense burning of his rectum and surrounding areas. He thought he was bit or stung so he decided to go to the ER and had taken the paper.  The doctor had given him a thorough going over and noted the extreme redness.  He left the room with the roll of paper and came back about 30 minutes later. He couldn't keep a straight face and handed him a balm to deal with the issue.  Mike asked him what the issue was and why he was smirking.
Well, come to find out his son before departing pranked Mike and had put Chili powder in the eco-friendly toilet paper. ( They look more akin to recycled sheets)
And the powder lit him on fire for about four hours.
By the time he finishes telling me I am laughing hysterically and in tears.  He says: " I knew you'd think this was funny, asshole!" Now when you stop laughing help me cook up something epic to retaliate when Tony comes home at the end of May.
I can't wait! LOL

A

[FL SAAC]

Outstanding!